Dear Mom,
I've been wanting to get some things off my chest for quite some time now, and I think Mother's Day is the perfect opportunity to clear the air. I've got a list of things that I want to bring to your attention. Here goes:
You've been lying to me for years. Not with your words, but with your actions. You made it seem like it was easy to be a mother. It always looked so effortless when you did it, but now that I'm a mother I'm finding out that it's not as easy as you made it look. You never lost your cool, even when we would have really deserved it. I never realized when I was growing up just how young you were when you had me. I was six years older than you were when you had me when I had my first and I was SO not ready to be a mom. But lucky for me I had your example to follow. I've screwed up more times than I care to count but if I can be half the mother you are, then I figure I'm doing pretty well.
You were always there, all up in my business. You always knew what was going on in my life. You made it easy for me to trust you and to confide in you. You never let me get away with the whole "teen angst" thing. You showed me how to be mature and to own up to my actions when I did something wrong. Because you were my mother and my friend, I never went through that whole "I hate my mother" phase. You even mothered my friends when they WERE going through that phase. Everybody needs somebody they can confide in and you were that person for so many of my friends. I always considered myself lucky because I had the "cool" mom. You were cool in a way that none of us had ever seen. You weren't cool because you treated us like pseudo-adults by giving us booze or letting us get away with doing bad/stupid things. Instead, you talked to us like we were adults with brains in our heads and helped us grow and mature. How many times did I watch you calmly and gently talk my friends down from whatever "ledge" they were standing upon? Too many to count. I know in my heart you saved the lives of several of my friends just by being there and listening.
You worked too many hours. You busted your butt working for years to make sure we had everything we needed, yet you never took anything for yourself. Even now that we're all grown up and out on our own, you still don't do anything for yourself. You're still sacrificing your own desires to give to others. Your kids, your grandkids, your church, total strangers...anywhere you see a need, you try to fill it. Your constant generosity astounds me.
You made me feel embarrassed. You are the "gold standard" to which I compare myself. You have some big shoes to fill, and I usually fail to do so. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm worthy enough to be your daughter. Your kindness of spirit, faith, generosity and all-around good-heartedness put you in a class by yourself. I usually feel like I'm on the other side of that window looking in. But while I may fail miserably, at least I have a goal. For me, turning into my mother will not be a bad thing! I actually look forward to the day that someone says "You are just like your mother." For me, there will be no higher compliment.
There is a reason so many people love and respect you. You deserve every iota of love and respect you get. I have always said that I won the "Mom Lottery" when God assigned me to be your daughter. I am so glad He deemed me worthy enough to be paired up with you for life! You are an amazing woman, mother and friend and I love you!
Your devoted daughter,
Jen
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