Anything I can do, he can do better

Have you ever heard of Couvade Syndrome? It's also called sympathetic pregnancy. It's where the man experiences the same symptoms as his pregnant wife. I think my husband has a form of that syndrome. No, I'm not pregnant and even though he did gain more weight than I did in all three of my pregnancies, his need to always one-up me continues.

Whenever I'm feeling sick (it doesn't matter what I've got), my husband always has to have something worse. If I've got a cold, he's got pneumonia. If my throat is sore, he thinks he has strep throat. Bronchitis? He's got the early stages of emphysema. Stomach ache? Oh, well he thinks he was food poisoning. Backache? He thinks he slipped a disk. Sore muscles? He starts asking if right-side abdominal pain is appendicitis. It's really frustrating to never be allowed to just be sick and not have to be outdone by him.

I've been pretty sick for almost a week. Major head cold with ear infections and perforated eardrums. I've felt like crap, and haven't gotten much sympathy from him. I ended up going to the doctor yesterday to find out for sure if I had an ear infection, which I do. We met up at his parents' house yesterday afternoon to pick up the kids. This is the conversation we had:

Me: I've got to run home and take the groceries in the house. I don't want the ice cream to melt. I also need to get some Advil. My ear is throbbing and there are pains shooting through it. I'm in agony.

Hubby: Oh, don't worry, my throat is sore. I think I'm getting sick too.

Me: And your point?

Hubby: Well, I just wanted you to know that I don't feel well either.

Me: Congratulations.

Notice that he never offered any sympathy to me? No murmurs of "Oh, you poor thing. That must be agonizing for you." No offers to come home with me and help me with the groceries. In fact, he ditched me until almost 10:00 last night. He's not my favorite person right now (in case you hadn't already picked up on that.)

If he tries to one-up me when Aunt Flow comes to visit this month, he's in big trouble. I can just hear it now:

Me: Boy, I've got some serious cramps.

Hubby: I think my prostate is enlarged. I should see the doctor.

Would it be wrong to smother him with his pillow while he snores next to me at night? It's really tempting...